Maps

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Dorgon
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Re: Maps

Postby Dorgon » Sat Apr 23, 2016 8:36 pm

So I came up with some descriptions for the first few blocks inside the starter town (named Movun in this example [ Novum is Latin for new]) that Zeroun came up with and Chris edited. I was just wondering what you guys thought so I could see where I need to be with my descriptions. I don't want to do the entire town and find out everyone hates it lol.

Gates
You are at the gates of Movun. Standing around the gates are several burly-looking guards. There is a sign posted here
for new travellers. You can go west into town or east back onto the dusty road.
On 'Look': The gates are made of very strong looking iron, but they stand wide open. You can see where the road becomes a
path further east, and to the west you can hear people bustling about.
'look at sign': Welcome, Traveller! Inside these gates you will find all you need to survive this brave new world. Have a look around, buy, sell, and trade to you heart's content!

1
You are standing inside the gates of Movun on a proper street. You can see people coming and going through the gates to the east, and further
west you can see some buildings. You can go move either east or west.
On 'Look': You are now standing inside the gates of Movun. The gates are to the east, and those sounds are louder coming from
the east.

2
You are now definitely in town. The street is cleaner, and there is more bustle further into town, and you see what looks
like a bank nearby to the west. You can go east or west.
On 'Look': The well-worn cobblestones here is very clean. More people are passing you by now.
3
The street splits here, with the Bank of Movun to the south. It seems that to the west is where the more mundane buildings
lie, while turning north onto Market Street will take you to the shops. You can go north, south, west, or east.
On 'Look': You are standing at a crossroads. The bank entrance is just to the south. You can see the marketplace to the
north, and the main street runs east and west. Therre are a few guards looking around here.

Bank
You are in the Bank of Movun. There are a few teller lines, each with a teller waiting to help those patrons who walk in.
Also, there are several heavily armed guards milling about. You can exit north onto the street.
On 'Look': The inside of the bank is very clean, and the tellers are very neatly dressed. There is a hallway that you
assume leads to the vault. As you look around, you realize you are being watched closely by the guards.

Rodeo
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Maps

Postby Rodeo » Sat Apr 23, 2016 9:34 pm

It's almost like I am ingame. :)

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Dorgon
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Re: Maps

Postby Dorgon » Sat Apr 23, 2016 9:56 pm

Rodeo wrote:It's almost like I am ingame. :)


Lol so you like?

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NiteHawk
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Re: Maps

Postby NiteHawk » Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:41 am

I'm going to be a hard critic since it is the starter city.

Take a look at ROKs:
Name: "City Gates"
On Walk-in: "You are at the gates of Terra."
On look: "The meticulously crafted flagstone road that lies before you is stunning to behold. The magnificent street leads north and south through Terra. You wonder how it maintains its timeless beauty. [1A shimmering portal can be seen over head.[6"
Movement -- On walk-in/Look: "The city of Terra exits to the [3south[6, and Main Street continues to the [3north[6. There is a shimmering portal high above."


Obviously movement is added to the end regardless. It gives the direction as a third party person. Aka 'The city exits to the..' rather then something like 'You see an exit..' It needs to be split though from your Look around or walk-in messages. The movement message is ALWAYS the same for the walk in or look around, pretty much. If it is not, it's typically due to some sort of secret or special movement needed.

The on-walk in is obviously what it says. When you enter the room. It's often short unless there is something revealing or interesting to show on the normal. It typically consists of what the player are in first person. *You are at the gates of Terra.* *You are in the Terra Tavern*, etc.

The on look is a long description, often started in third person. It describes the area in detail and any additional or special info that might be needed. It's never really in third person but sometimes in the last line it defines what you see or think. Like here:

"The meticulously crafted flagstone road that lies before you is stunning to behold. This magnificent street leads north and south through Terra. You wonder how it maintains its timeless beauty."

---

'I think you should avoid words like 'definitely' when you enter a square. I.E. 'You are definitely in town' sounds a bit odd to me. Simply can say something like "You are on Main Street." or "You are on Main Street in CITYX."

---

"There are a few teller lines, each with a teller waiting to help those patrons who walk in. Also, there are several heavily armed guards milling about. You can exit north onto the street."

The wording there is odd. I'm no english master mind you, but it feels like 'also' should be removed in this case unless it's part of the first sentences and should probably not start a new one. Take a look at the bank of Terra:

"White marble walls inlayed with rivulets of gold greet you to the bank of Terra. The gem encrusted roof also gives testament to the wealth contained within this building. No less than a dozen seasoned guards warily eye the busy patrons as they go about their business. You see a moneychanger waiting to assist you."

You can see the description here flows a bit smoother. When you use also in the case above, it feels a bit of a broken sentence.

---

Your gate description is good. I think the 'proper street' should actually be a street, like MAIN STREET if its the initial street from the gates. The look over should always be longer then the walk-in. Some of yours are a bit reverse and it needs fixing. The street split (3) looks okay too, just need to separate the movement as I said above.

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Dorgon
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Re: Maps

Postby Dorgon » Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:53 am

Thanks for the info Chris, thats what I need. I'll fix it and add a few. I was trying to remember rok descriptions, but I don't have access to them lol

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Dorgon
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Re: Maps

Postby Dorgon » Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:10 pm

Here we go again. Thoughts? Better anyway?

Gates
WI: You are at the gates of Movun. The city exits east and Main Street continues west.
On Look: The gates are made of very strong looking iron, but they look like they've been open for a very long time. The
street is very polished and clean. Standing around the gates are several burly-looking guards. There is a sign posted here
for new travellers. You can go west into town or east back onto the dusty road.

1
You are on Main Street. Main Street continues east and west.
On 'Look': You are now standing inside the gates of Movun. You can see people coming and going through the gates to
the east, and further west you can see some buildings. You can go east to the gates or west further into town.

2
You are on Main Street. Main Street continues east and west.

On 'Look': The well-worn cobblestones here are very clean. More people are passing by, and there is more bustle further
into town. You also see what looks like a bank nearby to the west. You can go east or west.

3
The street splits here, with the Bank of Movun to the south. Merchant's Way is to the north, and Main Street continues east
and west.
On 'Look': You are standing at a crossroads. The bank entrance is just to the south. You can see the marketplace to the
north, and the main street runs east and west. Therre are a few guards looking around here.

Bank
You are in the Bank of Movun. There are a few teller lines, each with a teller waiting to help those patrons who walk in.
There are several heavily armed guards milling about. You can exit north onto the street.
On 'Look': The inside of the bank is very clean, and the tellers are very neatly dressed. There is a hallway that you
assume leads to the vault. As you look around, you realize you are being watched closely by the guards. You can exit north to Main Street.

Ember
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:18 pm

Re: Maps

Postby Ember » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:27 pm

.
Last edited by Ember on Fri Nov 11, 2016 3:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

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NiteHawk
Site Admin
Posts: 3120
Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:33 am

Re: Maps

Postby NiteHawk » Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:08 am

For the look around you need to do third person, like Ember said. And you still need to split up the movements to a separate line.

Gates
On 'Enter': You are at the gates of Movun. Standing around the gates are several burly-looking guards. There is a sign posted here for new travellers.
On 'Look': The gates are made of very strong looking iron, but they stand wide open. People can be seen coming and going through the gates to the east, and further west some buildings are in sight.
'look at sign': Welcome, Traveller! Inside these gates you will find all you need to survive this brave new world. Have a look around, buy, sell, and trade to you heart's content!
Movement Info: You can go west into town or east back onto the dusty road.


You want to try to avoid first person with a look over. It's meant to be a detailed description. There are some cases which you can use it but in this scenario I don't think you should. Usually in ROK the 'entering' of a room is first person, but its short and to the point. 'I.E. You are at the gates of Movun.'

You can see I split the movement info too.

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Dorgon
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:46 pm

Re: Maps

Postby Dorgon » Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:26 am

Thanks agàin. I didn't understand what you meant about splitting the movement, but now I think I've got it. I will try to remember to use the third person also. I will fix what I have and try a few more spaces. Thanks for your patience, I love writing but I've never written for something like this before.

Kenichi
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2016 5:29 pm

Re: Maps

Postby Kenichi » Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:33 pm

Why not make the housing into a lobby on which you either go up or down to avoid any map issues.


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