Curiously though there was a glitch in the space-time continuum and we were back in '94 when the realms was fresh and new.
We are in Terra, dusty, deserted Terra. A young novice is about to take up the sword but is unsure where to go and then suddenly a magical Backpack (not sure on the spelling) spoke to him!
The newb stopped.
"Psst! Over here," this time in a whisper.
"Woah! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot a talking Backpack?"
"Open me up and receive a treasure beyond all your wildest dreams," and it was no joke the Backpack was really speaking.
The newfag gingerly got on his knees and while closing his eyes he stuck one hand inside the bag like a little kid pilfering the cookie jar.
To his great surprise he pulled out coin, after coin, after coin, etc...until he collected one thousand of them!
With his new found fortune he told himself that, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
So he went to instantly the shops and bought the best suit of armor and sword that money could buy telling himself that, "You can lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money."
So off he want on his adventures down the Hermit's path deep into the Mystic Mountain. The tunnels took him to lands unknown and then darkness. He was no goblin or drow so he had to make his way feeling the walls and hoping this was not the secret way to pen island or if he might suddenly grab something he did not want to but he made it all the way until he reached a Guardian of the Underworld.
He thought about battling it but decided not to and hid behind a rock until the Guardian fell asleep and then snuck quietly into Happy Land!
There he came upon a curious two-headed girl who was skipping along singing. He hid behind a twisted tulip to get a better look.
She had wellies on her feet and a Staff weapon in her hands. He thought he could take them and was about to have surprise sex with them...
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...when suddenly some other huge beast of a man jumped out from nowhere and seemed on the verge of attacking the two-headed girl.
Nurun laughed and said, 'Is that all? That is no surprise!"
The boastly man began to whine, "But for please! I am a Cypress the Great and am king of Persia, in fact king of all the lands, including this one."
"Very well," said Nurun and continued, "if you can answer one riddle I will grant you this kingdom."
A Cypress was ecstatic, Mike Tyson style, he even had a tramp stamp on the side of his head, and began to exclaim, "I used to know all these Staffers, get free stuff, had access to credit cards, free div weapons, fast cars, designer drugs, nudes..."
Nix looked to a Cypress with a look of death as Nurun cut him off, "The riddle is this: Cerixus?"
A Cypress continued bragging as if she had never interrupted with such a foolish question, of course he knew the answer, he knew everything! Smugly he responded, "The answer is if you switch the letters around it spells Eric Sux!"
Over-confidently he crossed his arms, like a rap star pose, and then rapidly stuck out his hand for his reward.
"Not so fast," Nurun told him. "That is just the first part of the riddle. Eric sux, yes, we all know that, now riddle me this? But what does Eric suck?"
A Cypress look truly stumped and quickly the two-headed girl split in two and Nix revealed her true form and vengeance by triple-reverse-bitch-slapping-a-Cypress-back-to-the-end-of-the-welfare-line. A Cypress fell and she began to stomp all over him, over, and over, until he was nothing but a puddle for her to giddily muddy her wellies in like some silly schoolgirl skipping school on a rainy day and playing outside the council house.
Nurun from a distance looked satisfied and nodded then turned and pointed to the twisted tulip, "You there come out!"
("The Administration")'s nephew came out a bit shook up from the spectacle that occurred before him.
"Don't worry," a very bonny Nix told him and butterflies, pretty, colorful, magical, began to flutter all around his head forming a crown.
"This is a sign," beautiful Nurun stated, "You are now king of all the realms." And with that they crowned him.
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